Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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