Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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