She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
