She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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