i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
