omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
