i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
