State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i came on her dog
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
