I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
