ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
