She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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