We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
