Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
