I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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