I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
