I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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