Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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