Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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