the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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