so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
