haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
two words: eviction party
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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