I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
