I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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