she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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