Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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