So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
