hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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