with your own penis?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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