If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
