I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
