well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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