k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
