Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
