i love accidental penises.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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