I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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