So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
