Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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