i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
