You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
