why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
