never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
