Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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