"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
