tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
