Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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