Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
