so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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