Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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