just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
