Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
