I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
