Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
