Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize