I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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