I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
