he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
