He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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