An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
