This dress was meant to end up on your floor
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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