You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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