am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
