bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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