If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
