So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
