So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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