Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
